Even Better - Not!

So my first blog post was supposed to be about how hard it can be to get useful weather info - hence the name - but this email from Dannon really got my goat. So woot, Dannon - congrats on your beknighted customer service efforts making the cut. Backstory: Dannon has decided to ADD 20 calories to their "Light & Fit" Yogurt, making it just a little less "light" and me just a little bit less "fit." I wrote to let them know I was disappointed - this is the claptrap they responded with:

Thank you for taking the time to contact The Dannon Company about our recent improvements (says you) to the Light & Fit products. Comments from consumers are very important to us and we certainly appreciate yours (blah blah blah).

We have taken our great tasting (if we do say so ourselves) Light & Fit and made it even better (in the fattening you up department). Light & Fit has a new texture and sweetener blend to provide an even better (hard to believe, we know!) tasting product preferred by our consumers (well, the ones in our focus groups - not you, obviously) than our previous formula (is it just me, or does this sentence just not scan?).

Light & Fit is the only leading light nonfat yogurt with 80 calories per 6 oz. cup compared to 100 calories for other leading Light nonfat yogurts. (Of course it used to be the only "leading" light nonfat yogurt with 60 calories per 6 oz. cup...just sayin') At Dannon, we take great care to ensure that the highest standards are met in everything we do. In our products, packaging, marketing and advertising, we strive for excellence (in our customer service emails, not so much).

When a valued consumer like you takes the time to contact us, we take it seriously. Please be assured your comments will be shared with the appropriate individuals (that would be my friends in the department who will sympathize when I roll my eyes at your whining). I know they will find your remarks interesting (in much the way monthly reports and traffic jams are interesting), and will consider them carefully as we work toward continuous improvement in all areas.

As always, we appreciate your interest in our products (so please keep buying them!) and are always available to answer any questions or concerns that you have (with ridiculously overwritten bs like this). If you have any additional questions or concerns, please do not hesitate to call our toll-free number 1-877-DANNON-US (1-877-326-6668), Monday through Friday, 9 A.M. to 6 P.M. Eastern Time.

Why oh why can't companies say things like: Hey, sorry you're disappointed! But a lot of people like our new formula - you should check it out and maybe you'll like it too. We certainly hope that's the case, because we like having customers. Even the ones that bitch when we change things, because hey, they spend money, too. Ok, not the last part. But the rest of it would be I don't know - almost human!

And yeah - what about a coupon? Not that a dollar off would change my mind, but as a conciliatory gesture, it would be something, wouldn't it?

'm out.