Get Your Deity out of My Holiday

Ok, Christians, you ungrateful bastards. 2000-odd years ago, you co-opted a bunch of pagan rituals to celebrate the birth of your god on a day that was probably not even in the same season as his actual birth date. Fine – whatever. You didn’t take away our festivals – or at least you let us still party a little bit. And you tortured us (a lot) for disagreeing with you – see: Inquisition. So ok, maybe we should have done something earlier, but you were such a pain in the ass, it was easier just to let you get away with it, you little whining fascists. But now you are being ridiculous. Insisting that anyone who hangs a sign or signs a card tagged “Happy Holidays” is somehow stealing YOUR holiday. Doesn’t the irony of that BS just drive you insane?

Maybe you don’t have any Jewish or Wiccan friends, but I do. Maybe you think everybody is just like you, but I know better. Other people are loving and tolerant and don’t want to exclude anyone from their goodhearted seasonal wishes. Not like your selfish, history-forgetting, let’s go to war at the drop of a hat (Crusades, anyone?) clan. So that’s it. I’m done playing nice. Blessed Solstice. Happy Hanukah. Good Kwanza. Happy New Year. And the rest of you? If you could keep from shoving your supposedly sacred celebration down the rest of the world’s throat, maybe I’d wish you a Merry Christmas. But then again, maybe not.